I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
