Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
