hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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