Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
