why didn't you poke me back
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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