So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
