can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
