I cannot find my penis.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
