i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can you bring me the toilet please
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
