I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this just has baby written all over it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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