Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
