the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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