I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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