I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
