alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
