you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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