her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
