You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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