so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
