Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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