Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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