Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
