tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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