thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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