True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
