Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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