First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't turn off my feet"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
