kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
