Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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