I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
