Your face is a jimmy john
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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