I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
