Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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