Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
