once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
