And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
