I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
