Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
