Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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