We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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