Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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