I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Michael Bay diarrhea
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
