laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
