Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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