i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
