I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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