Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
