U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
