I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
