So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
