It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
