A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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