it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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