No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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