I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is the high leading the old right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
