Christians are straight up FREAKS
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
