So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
