i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
