You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
