I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
