my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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