dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
