Can Purell be used as lube?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
