I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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