From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
