My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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