Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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