I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Never underestimate the power of titties
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