Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
