Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
