if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize