I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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