I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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