Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
