i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
